You like me! You really, really like me!

I feel like the new geeky kid at school who has suddenly been proclaimed cool by the homecoming queen and now everyone has shown up at my house for a party because my parents are out of town and even the jocks have stopped giving me wedgies and I’m really one of the popular kids and the hot senior chick totally wants to make it with me even though I’m a sophomore and holy shit I’m finally gonna get laid and…

…wait, where is everybody going? Hey guys, come back! I’m cool, I swear!

No, not you too, Senior Girl! I was just kidding about before! And I’ve got cool tunes, and we can break into my Dad’s liquor cabinet, and take his ‘Vette for a spin and…and we can play Twister, and I’m really good at Trivial Pursuit, and we have Jenga and, and…

…and gun porn! Yeah, would you stay if I posted some gun porn? Because I really really really want you to stay and keep coming back. I’ll do whatever it takes.

Really.

Guys? Uh, guys?

(crickets chirping)

Come baaaaack, Shane! Come baaaaack!