Variety, It’s The Spice of Life

You know why I love EMS?

Because in the space of an hour last night, I went from treating a gnarly MI (with a door-to-balloon time of 27 minutes, thankyouverymuch), to treating a victim of a rampaging, man-eating ‘possum, to asking a woman with pelvic pain, “Okay, Ma’am, how long has your coochie smelled this bad*, and do you have any painful urination with it?”

To paraphrase Forrest Gump, “EMS is lak a bawx o’ chawklits. You nevah know what yew gonna git.”

* To my credit, I noticed the smell of decaying codfish right away, but I didn’t mention it until she brought it up. I’m a tactful mo fo that way.