If Necessity Is the Mother of Invention…

… is aggravation the mother of modification?

Surely I'm not the only medic or EMT who ever thought, "Man, if this piece of equipment only had _________ feature, it would be SO much better!"

Back when I was Louisiana's EMS Program Coordinator and providers were bitching about the added expense of stocking ambulances with pediatric-specific euipment, I had the idea to design an integrated adult/pediatric spine board. Of course, lacking venture capital, personal initiative, and faith that spinal immobilization did a damned bit of good, the idea never went anywhere. Last month, at EMS Today in Baltimore, I discovered an Italian company had already capitalized on the idea.
 

Every time I reach for the radio mike while driving hot, I am reminded of my idea for the Perfect Ambulance Steering Wheel ^TM. One day, probably right after monkeys fly out of my butt, some enterprising ambulance coach manufacturer is going to approach me and ask, "AD, how can we make our product better?"

And I'm going to lean in conspiratorially and sagely reply, "Better steering wheels. Cut me in for 30% and I'll give you my ideas."

The steering wheel in the Tactical Taco has buttons to control the radio volume, station settings, band, and bluetooth controllers for my cell phone. So why can't an ambulance steering wheel have push-to-talk buttons for our PA and radio mikes, an integrated microphone, and control buttons for our siren and primary lighting systems? That way, I'd never have to take my hand off the wheel, or God forbid, my eyes off the road, when running a call.

And while we're on the subject, why can't sirens have a low-power radio transmitter that can broadcast, say 300 feet, and U.S. passenger cars be fitted with stereos that have the proper receivers? Soundproofing is so good in modern vehicles that it can be difficult to hear a siren, and some of these yahoos with the thumping bass wouldn't even notice the Rumbler as it approached.

When my legion of flying monkeys completes my quest for world domination, all U.S. vehicles will have a receiver built into the stereo that, when it receives a signal from my siren, will cut off all other sounds, and drivers will hear my recorded voice over their speakers, "Hey dipshit, put down your friggin' cell phone and check your mirrors. Better yet, slow down and pull to the right."

Okay, maybe I'd record a gentler, more PC warning than that, but I figure, hey, what good is world domination if I still have to be polite to people?

Grandiose dreams of my perfect ambulance in my perfect world aside, there is one thing I'd really like to see done, and it shouldn't be difficult for the product manufacturers to implement: CPAP masks should have a medication port.

A few years back, TOTWTYTR and I had dinner with the manufacturer of the Emergent Portovent CPAP system, and one of the complaints we voiced was that those of us unable to give IV nitroglycerin had to constantly remove the mask to administer sublingual nitro. The mask only does good when it's tightly sealed to the face. Every time we take it off lessens its effectiveness. So why not fit CPAP masks with an MDI port? The guy was intrigued by the idea, and vowed to get right to work on it. Of course, shortly thereafter Emergent was bought out by Bound Tree, and we still have no med port on my favorite CPAP masks. Bummer.

There's already a BVM fitted with such a device:

 

CPAP device manufacturers, are you listening? How hard could this be, guys? All it would take is a little nipple on the mask, similar to the needle-less injection ports on our IV tubing that accept blunt plastic cannulas. Give me something I can poke an applicator wand through, and all I'd have to do to administer nitro is say, "Open wide, Ma'am!" before I give my rattling CHFer a triple-squirt of vasodilatory goodness.

I'm sure CPAP masks aren't the only devices we use daily that could stand a little tweaking, and medics are nothing if not creative problem solvers. How about it, guys? If you could make ONE simple modification to an existing piece of equipment that would make it much better, what would it be?

I invite your comments…