EMS Axiom #54: Inverse Rule of Bullshit History

The longer and more convoluted the patient history leading up to the traumatic event, the more trivial the injury, and the shorter the patient's ED stay will be.

Example: If your patient has been stabbed, and when asked, "So dude, show me where you're hurt," replies with a windy narrative that begins five years ago about his ex-girlfriend's cousin Mookie who just got out of jail for beatin' on his babymomma while he was on the the pipe and now he out and causin' all sorta ruckus…

… there is a 95% probability your patient's stab wound can be covered with a Bandaid, and he will be discharged from the Emergency Department before you finish your run report.

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