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Mother Of The Year

Thirty years old.

Eight months pregnant with her tenth child.

At a bar.

At 5:00 am.

Medical history: Significant only for polybabydaddia, chronic and apparently uncontrolled.

Mechanism of injury: An altercation with a candidate for Inseminator, 2011 Edition.

I'll not describe her further, but let's just say that "employed" and "privately insured" are terms rarely used to describe her socioeconomic demographic.

If OSHA knew how much traffic her vagina gets, they'd make her install hand rails.

Comments - Add Yours

  • Jsmalacoda194

    You’re saying she technically qualifies as a Murphy bed?

    Her knees are so often apart they’re pen-pals?

    Her thighs have an off ramp?

    Really, Kel, you’re too subtle here.

  • Pingback: While we’re on the subject… « Mostly Cajun, All American and Opinionated()

  • Tanker

    That gets  a citation.

    Wow! Bud!  Good one!


  • Stingray

    Did you check for piercings? She might’ve tried already. I mean, the po-po and company are one thing, but you do not want to risk the ire of osha.

  • Christopher Rozman

    Were you in my service area?

  • Anon

    Old joke (best told with a broad Irish accent):

    Maureen, greatly pregnant with yet another child meets the town priest whilst walking accross the village square.  The priest observes that she is pregnant once again, to which she replies:

    “Aye father, that I am.  Must be something in the air!”

    The priest responded “Something in the air indeed – your legs!”

  • Mike “FossilMedic” Ward

    “If OSHA knew how much traffic her vagina gets, they’d make her install hand rails.” 
    Filing THAT one away for future use.

    • Chris Gerard

      Yup.  That one’s gonna get remembered (i.e., stolen and taken credit for) in future conversations.



  • Ehoesterey08

    Or running lights

  • Lynda

    Your subtlety amazes even old cynical me !~! Hand rails = priceless.

  • BH

    And people wonder why Sumdood’s kids can’t read when they graduate high school.  They’re being raised by winners like this. 

  • Anonymous

    Not bad, not bad at all :-)

  • Rogue Medic

    If this had been later in the year than just the eighth month, you might have been describing a candidate for Inseminator, 2011 Edition – Part 2.

    I guess her life is just stuck in a rut. ;-)


  • Animelmaguire

    I haven’t been to one of those for a few minutes.  Last time it was at babydaddy’s home.  If they’d been merciful, they’d have had their fight at a bar.  I sprayed my rig and my boots with two whole bottles of Cavicide afterwards.

  • Geekasaurus

    She’s filing for her own zip code.

  • Woodlawnmedic

    or as we use to say, she would really look strange if she had a many sticking out of her as she has had stuck in her.

  • Anonymous

    “Chronic, uncontrolled polybabydaddia” and “hand rails”… yup, borrowing both (a la Chris Gerard)…

  • Joe Fusco

    Like the post. Thought I would point out something only because it was something interesting that I learned, not because I am criticizing. Ensure and insure and interchangeable except that you can only insure against indemnity.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve been wondering what y’all were debating insure vs ensure for, and why it had anything to do with this post. Several people mentioned it on Facebook, as well.

      Then I realized that I had misspelled “insured” in the post. Oops. ;)

  • diamond dave

    Sadly that perfectly describes a family member of mine.  The courts and doctors finally shut down her factory for good, unfortunately it was five kids too late.  Not that there’s anything wrong with the kids, just that she can’t take care of and is forbidden to see a single one of them.