Overheard On The Bolance

Overheard in a phone conversation with Matt G.

Matt G.: “… so the chick doesn’t act drunk, and I couldn’t detect any alcohol metabolytes on her breath, but she looks like she could be a medalist in the Illicit Pharmaceutical Olympics, and she’s doing the twitchy meth dance…”

Ambulance Driver: “Well, you know ingestion is sort of passé as a means of alcohol intoxication among the kids these days…”

Matt: “Oh?

AD: “Sure. There’s nebulized vodka, vodka-soaked tampons, red wine enemas…”

Matt: “I wonder what red goes best in an enema? A hearty Cabernet Sauvignon, perhaps a port?”

AD: “The sommelier offers you a packet of KY and opens the clamp on the hose for you…”

Matt: “I’d imagine the whole cork-sniffing ritual would have to be altered a bit, too.”

AD: “Should the wine breathe for a few minutes before you stick the nozzle in your ass?”

Matt:“I wonder how one goes about tasting the vintage and signaling approval to the sommelier?”

AD: “I don’t know, but that’s about as far as I’m willing to take this mental exercise.”