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Overheard On The ‘Bolance

Patient: “I don’t want to go to no hospital. I ain’t got no ride home. I’ll just go stay in my neighbor’s trailer tonight.”

Deputy: “The medics just told you one of those cuts might need a couple stitches. Ain’t there somebody you can call to give you a ride home from the hospital?

Patient: “There would be, if I could find my cell phone. Muhfucka threw it somewhere ‘long with all them bottles he throwed at me.”

Ambulance Driver: “There’s a cell phone right there next to you on the sofa, Ma’am. Problem solved.”

Patient: “That’s my government phone. It only calls 911.”

Ambulance Driver: “Wait, you have a government-supplied cell phone, and a personal cell phone? That you, like, pay money for?”

Patient: “Yeah.”

Deputy (disgusted): “Remind me why my taxes are higher this year? Something about needing more revenue to fund essential government programs?”

Comments - Add Yours

  • PJ Geraghty

    If that’s accurate, that’s astonishing even for the government, since the FCC mandates that all cell phones must be able to call 911 free-for-nothin’, even if not active with a carrier.

    • Ambulance_Driver

      Yeah, that didn’t escape me. I was just so overcome by disgust that I didn’t question her further about it.
      I’m increasingly forced these days to not ask certain questions, lest the answers cause my head to explode.

  • Barron Barnett

    I wanted to laugh, mainly as a reflex because of disgust. Even then I couldn’t. I was mainly in shock with a WTF face. I’m reasonably sure it will still be there 12 hours from now at work.

  • Old_NFO

    Any bets it’s paid for with an EBT???

    • Sigivald

      EBT cards won’t pay your phone bill.

      Probably SSI or something.

      • Weer’d Beard

        EBT will pay for ANYTHING! They just get cash when they buy food at the store, as they are just state-fed debit cards.

        • Kaeto1

          No it won’t. Mine will only buy food (all the food $16.00 a month will buy).

          • Josh Bowers

            two different types they have food stamps and cash assistance…the food stampsonly buyfood andyoucan withdrawal cashfrom atm

        • Anon

          Buy detergent with the EBT, sell it at the flea market for cash, go pay phone bills, buy video games, score some crack…

  • skidmark

    She must be mistaken, because I get pleas in the mail to sign up for a Government Cell Phone that comes with 250 minmutes/month AND free unlimited texting. Surely there are not a multitude of Government Phone plans out there, are there?
    stay safe.

    • Joe E.

      The offer I received is for 250 voice min and 250 texts. Unlimited talk, text, & web for $30/month

      • markm

        And when you don’t pay that $30, it becomes a “government phone” that only calls 911.

        • Joe E.

          Actually, don’t pay the $30, it’s 250 min and 250 texts. The $30 is for unlimited.

  • john shirley

    We need a massive die-off. Just sayin’.

  • Sewmouse

    Even if you take the number from (I tend to doubt them, since their namesake and his friends are perennial prevaricators), the amount the government spends on those phones is 2.1 billion. The amount the government spends on SUBSIDIES to the OIL COMPANIES that are making record profits? Estimates range from 10 billion to 52 billion.

    I realize that demonizing the poor is de rigeur in Republican circles, and I admit there are very likely more than a few folks who are taking unfair advantage of this system… but somehow I doubt that the entire “2.1 billion” is wasteful. the 10-52? I consider THAT wasteful spending in the extreme.

  • Christine Dumaine Springfield

    And I’m sure y’all were obstructing the view of her 72″ flatscreen TV with all the latest gaming systems, dodging about 10 small children and she could not locate the keys to her 2013 Elcalade with gold trim and thumpin’ bass. That’s how it works in my ‘hood anyway…

  • EMT75

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