Waiting for a bed at a local Emergency Department:
Drunk Violent Guy: "Hey. Hey, man! Why you tied me down, man? I ain't done nothing to you!"
AD: "Not so. You swung at me, and grabbed my partner hard enough to leave bruises."
DVG: "Thass a fuckin' lie. I ain't grabbed nobody!"
AD: "Blackouts and memory loss are a strong clue you have a drinking problem, sir."
DVG: "I ain't no fuckin' akkaholic!"
AD: "So is denial, sir."
DVG: "I'm a nice guy, man. I'm just drunk. You can let me up, I'll be good."
AD: "Alcohol is a personality enhancer, sir. When I drink, I just get louder and friendlier."
Lesbian Partner: "Whereas you, on the other hand…"
DVG: "Yer a fuckin' asshole."
Lesbian Partner: "Actually, he goes by 'Dickhead'."
AD: "Mr. Dickhead to you."
DVG: "I love you guys. Yer fuckin' awesome."
Drunks, gotta love 'em.