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Overheard On The Bolance

Patient: “Dude, I can’t hold it. I’m gonna crap my pants.”

AD: “Do your best, brother, but if you gotta go, you gotta go. I’ve got medicine for the nausea, but I got nothin’ for diarrhea.”

Patient: “Dude, I’m dying here…”

AD: “Pinch it off, man. That’s all I can tell you. You allergic to any foods or medicines?”

Patient (desperately): “Not that I know of. Dude, I’m shitting myself. I’m gonna make a mess in your rig…”

AD (genuinely sympathetic) “I’ve seen it all before, bro, and we’ll just hose it out. No biggie. Now, here comes your nausea medicine. It’s potent stuff, works great for nausea. They call it Zofran.”

*** five minutes later ***

Patient: “Dude, I’m itching like crazy.”

AD (suspiciously lifting up his shirt and finding urticaria): “Well, I hate to tell you, bro, but in addition to everything else going on, you can add ‘Zofran allergy’ to your otherwise spotless medical history.”

Patient (whimpering): “Shit, this just ain’t my night.”

AD: “Apparently not.”

Comments - Add Yours

  • Old_NFO

    Oh… NOT a good night for you OR the patient!

  • dixie

    Poor guy…and poor you.

  • Easily Lost

    Deja vu, except I was already in the hospital when they shot me full of compazine. Note to self, stay the hell away from nausea meds.

  • Yrro Simyarin

    Weird you guys don’t have anything for diarrhea… I learned a long time ago to keep some of that in my car, just in case.

    • Ambulance_Driver

      Anything you’d administer for diarrhea takes hours to kick in, making it useless for prehospital care.

      • Yrro Simyarin

        Ah, good to know. It always *feels* like it works faster than that in my… emergencies. But then I guess you don’t keep good track of time in those situations.