Frequent Fliers

Sketchy Patient: “Wait, you can’t give me pain medication!” Ambulance Driver: “Sez who? Are you allergic to Fentanyl?” SP: “No, I’m allergic to morphine.” AD: “Not the same stuff, and I thought you said ‘my guts are tearing apart’ or something like that.” SP: “Yeah, but y’all never give me pain medication in the ambulance.” AD: “That was them, this ...

Gas station clerk: “He’s drunk, and trespassing. When I asked him to leave, he made like he was going to sit on one of the concrete pump barriers, pretended to fall off of it, and now he won’t stop screaming.” AD: “What’s your name, sir?” Patient:“AAAUGH! AAAARGH! WOOOO! GAWD HAVE MERCY!” AD: “Luther, is that you?” Patient (nodding) “WAAUGH! LAWDY ...

Ambulance Driver: "Heya, Mercy General. This is AD on Borg Cube 387, 5 minutes out with Patient X, who is apparently suffering from, well… let's call it acute exacerbation of chronic Patient X-ness." ED Nurse (sighing): "So she's drunk and fighting with her boyfriend again? What is it this time, abdominal pain or demonic possession?" AD: "Not really sure, haven't ...

Of course, The Borg frowns on us referring to such people as "frequent fliers." Rather, they're "valued repeat customers," which everyone knows are the foundation to a successful business.