Humor

For SayUncle and PDB:  

Day Medic: “Dude, it’s 6:20! Best get started on your beauty regimen, because I’m ready to get up outta here!” AD: “Fear not, Ma’am. I shall be in uniform and ready to save lives at the duly appointed time, for my beauty regimen does not take long.” DM (looking dubious): “…” AD: “When you start with a baseline of beautiful, ...

Wouldn't it be nice if response times were like cellular rollover minutes? "Yeah, boss, I know it took us three hours to get to Frankie Frequent Flier's chronic gout pain, but you see, there was a Mel Brooks movie marathon on AMC, and we had a dispatch-to-balloon time of 34 minutes on that acute myocardial infarction last week. So we're ...

… Top Ten Inappropriate Quotes To Use On The Job.   Enjoy.

Earlier this evening in the way to work: AD: “Hey, Soop. I’m gonna be about 20 minutes late for my shift. Got tied up taking my kid to the optometrist.” Supervisor: “That’s what, three tardies for you this year? You’re fired.” AD: “You wish. I haven’t been tardy in over three years.” Supervisor: “Okay, thanks for the heads up. I’ll ...

At the Nebraska EMS Association spring conference this weekend, while chatting with a few new friends over beers, one medic lamented that his spouse had imposed a “buy one, sell one” restriction for new guns in their household. If he bought a new gun, first he had to sell one of his safe queens that he never shot. Said spouse ...

Coming into one of the local Emergency Departments a few minutes ago: Triage Nurse:: [raises eyebrows questioningly] Ambulance Driver: [clutches chest dramatically, indicating a patient with chest pain] TN: [cocks one eyebrow skeptically, indicating disbelief that our 22-year-old patient is actually suffering from an acute coronary syndrome] AD: [makes drinking motion with one hand, followed by back of hand to ...

CDC reports emergence of new disease affecting EMS providers. And people wonder why I wear a N95 mask to staff meetings…

Verbatim conversation at the homeless shelter this morning: AD: "Hello, Sir. What seems to be the problem this morning?" Sullen, Uncooperative Patient: "I gotta get outta this place, man." AD: "Okay. Any particular reason?" SUP: "I catch seizures." AD: "Okay, and you caught one this morning?" SUP: " … " AD: "Sir?" SUP: "I done told you I catch seizures, ...

Rescue 911 mastered the art of EMS stories with fairy tale endings. Seems like the entire post-Emergency generation of EMT's was inspired by Willim Shatner's narration of heroic EMS actions where everyone gets saved, the victims live happily ever after, and the EMT's all get invited to the birthday picnic a year later. So I guess it's only fair that ...

From Matt G.'s comment thread: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "HIPAA." "HIPAA who?" "Sorry, I can't tell you that." I don't care who ya are, that's funny right there…  

At 0330, in a romantically lit bedroom somewhere in Louisiana: Woman: "We were having sex, and all of a sudden, he screamed." AD: "And?" Man: "And then blood spurted everywhere." Woman: "It ain't coming from me." AD: "And?" Man: "And my privates hurt real bad." AD (sighing because I am once again about to violate a Rule of EMS*): "Okay, ...

Those of you who read Sean Eddy at Medic Madness are probably familiar with his Celebrity Medic series, in which he imagines what a celebrity or fictional character would be like as a paramedic. So, given the dramatic win last weekend and the upcoming divisional playoff game against the Patriots, Sean and Greg Friese have challenged us to imagine what ...

Fred Sanford Syndrome: clinical disorder characterized by the life-threatening complaints in the absence of any objective clinical findings. Sufferers of Fred Sanford    Syndrome (FSS) usually present with chest pain, often accompanied by a constellation of associated symptoms including respiratory distress, dizziness, anxiety, syncope, flatulence, incontinence, amnesia, seizures, speaking in tongues, headaches, blurred vision, loss of vision, aphasia, dysphasia, paranoia, combativeness, ...

I've been teaching EMT's for years, and let me tell you, there's nothing so satisfying as that look of discovery on a student's face when the light bulb finally comes on. Instructors live for such moments. The Borg has partnered me with green partners ever since I started here, and I try to impart a little of the experience and ...