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Sumdood’s Army

More leftover free ice cream: ********** "What is your last name, Sir?" I ask, watching the guy with the dank, greasy hair sitting at the triage desk, nervously wringing his hands. "Gol," he simpered. "G-O-L." "And your first name?" "Smea. S-M-E-A," he answered, baring his rotted teeth in an obsequious grin. He grimaced and cleared his throat painfully. Eeeeewwww. Somebody ...

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Sumdood: Evil Criminal Mastermind

I'm at a speaking gig at the ESCAPe 2013 Conference in Pipestem, WV for the rest of the week, so I figured I'd post some leftover free ice cream for you guys. Here's an oldie but a goodie, from way back in 2007. ********** “So what happened, man?” I ask the guy as I shine a penlight into his eyes, ...

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Apparently, Mayhem is a Family Affair

Just worked a call where a small businessman, long known by the local constabulary as a purveyor of recreational pharmaceuticals, was stabbed by parties unknown. I say "parties unknown" based upon the victim's testimony, despite all indications that his girlfriend was the guilty party. She, however, steadfastly insists that she ain't seen nuthin', no doubt because her attention was focused ...

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Sumdood’s Best Friend

No, not this critter. Actually, popular lore has it that Sumdood is afraid of dogs. Quite a few of my patients with a positive tattoo:tooth ratio keep vicious dogs for the express purpose of “keeping Sumdood from breakin’ inta mah trailer and stealin’ mah shit.” Apparently, they make dandy guards for meth labs and marijuana patches, too. No, I’m talking ...

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