Category Archives: The "They Think We're Stupid" Files

Fool Me Once, Shame On You…

… fool me twice, shame on me. I’m a pretty liberal guy when it comes to pain relief. My philosophy is simple: if you’re hurting, I try to make it stop. Acute pain is not a character builder, and it is one of the few conditions most paramedics are well-equipped to manage. I don’t like […]

Demystifying Diagnosis

Want to start a fight in an EMS social media forum? Just ask if EMTs diagnose. Invariably, you'll get hordes of people shitting their pants over a simple word, and twisting the English language into something unrecognizable in an effort to avoid calling something what it really is. General impression. Field diagnosis. Presumptive diagnosis. Field […]

I Hate To Say I Told You So…

… but I told you so. On KevinMD, we find a story that Oregon Medicaid recipients are 40% more likely to go to the ED – far more expensive care -than their primary care physician: The Oregon Medicaid findings highlight a central flaw in the Affordable Care Act. Expanding insurance without expanding the primary care […]

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Airport

Fun Fact: A couple of forgotten loose rounds of pistol ammo in your carry-on bags will cause the TSA to lose. Their. Minds. I suppose a little backstory is in order, so, in the parlance of my assault patients, “See, whut had happen wuz…” I bought a tactical man purse at the NRA annual meeting […]

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

A tale related by a colleague: If the police find you passed out drunk behind the wheel of your car, keys in the ignition and the switch on, but are willing to cut you a break because you at least had the presence of mind to pull over and sleep it off, and apparently toted […]

On Pissing Contests and Patient Advocacy

I follow a few EMS forums on various social media sites, but lately I've been commenting less frequently because the signal-to-noise ratio leaves me in despair of the future of our profession. I have to wade through far too many comments from adrenaline junkies, protocol monkeys, booger-eating cretins and fervent disciples of EMS mythology to […]

These Are Your Protocols? How… Quaint.

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In the recent mass stabbing at Lone Star College in Harris County, TX, fourteen people were transported to local hospitals by EMS. A blog reader pointed me to the CNN.com story on the event, and the associated photo gallery. There are a couple of video clips, as well. You EMS folks, go look at the […]

Wait… What?

From Pravda MSNBC: Senators: Deal Reached On Background Checks. Two key senators have reached a deal to expand background checks to firearms sales at gun shows and on the Internet, sources close to the negotiations said early Wednesday. Um, guys? You already can't buy guns on the Internet without a background check. Go to one […]

Overheard On The ‘Bolance

Patient: “I don’t want to go to no hospital. I ain’t got no ride home. I’ll just go stay in my neighbor’s trailer tonight.” Deputy: “The medics just told you one of those cuts might need a couple stitches. Ain’t there somebody you can call to give you a ride home from the hospital? Patient: […]

Overheard in the ED

Triage Nurse: “So what’s with your patient?” AD: “Spewing from both ends for three days.” TN: “… and? AD: “Don’t know shit about him, didn’t do shit for him.” TN: “Oh. One of those, huh?” AD: “Yeah, he’s a real sweetheart. You’ll love him.”

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Kelly Grayson

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