Overheard On The Bolance

Patient: “Dude, I can’t hold it. I’m gonna crap my pants.”

AD: “Do your best, brother, but if you gotta go, you gotta go. I’ve got medicine for the nausea, but I got nothin’ for diarrhea.”

Patient: “Dude, I’m dying here…”

AD: “Pinch it off, man. That’s all I can tell you. You allergic to any foods or medicines?”

Patient (desperately): “Not that I know of. Dude, I’m shitting myself. I’m gonna make a mess in your rig…”

AD (genuinely sympathetic) “I’ve seen it all before, bro, and we’ll just hose it out. No biggie. Now, here comes your nausea medicine. It’s potent stuff, works great for nausea. They call it Zofran.”

*** five minutes later ***

Patient: “Dude, I’m itching like crazy.”

AD (suspiciously lifting up his shirt and finding urticaria): “Well, I hate to tell you, bro, but in addition to everything else going on, you can add ‘Zofran allergy’ to your otherwise spotless medical history.”

Patient (whimpering): “Shit, this just ain’t my night.”

AD: “Apparently not.”