Sumdood: Evil Criminal Mastermind


“So what happened, man?” I ask the guy as I shine a penlight into his eyes, checking his pupillary responses.

“Got hit,” mumbles the guy, stating the obvious. With one hand, he’s holding the absorbent gauze pad I’ve given him against the big laceration on the side of his head, as he absentmindedly tugs his shorts up with the other. Not too far up, mind you – just enough to perch precariously on his ass cheeks and still leave about four inches of boxers showing. Scalp wound and abrasions be damned, he has street fashion to consider.

“I meant, what happened exactly,” I explain patiently, suppressing the urge to roll my eyes. I palpate the back of his neck. “What did they hit you with, and did you get knocked out?”

Hell no!” he blurts indignantly, pulling away. He starts getting wound up, because now he has a story to tell. He gestures animatedly to the porch behind him, and to his buddies currently being interviewed by the police. There is a small crowd gathered on the street. “See, I was just sittin‘ here, kickin‘ it with my peeps, noamsayne? Mindin‘ my own, noamsayne? And then…”

…And you were just sitting there with your Bible study group, drinking a wholesome glass of milk and holding your weekly devotional, when all of a sudden and for no reason…

“…and then, I just got jumped, noamsayne? And I di’int do nuthin!

No doubt there were seven of them, far too many for you and your homies to defeat in a stand-up, fair fight.

“Then, dude just drops the brick and runs off!”

Whoa, just one guy! He must have been a baaaaaaaad ass…

“Did you get a look at this guy?” I ask. “Would you recognize him again?” Immediately, his eyes turn shifty and evasive.

“Nah man, I ain’t ever seen dude before,” he lies. “He just some dude.”

Sumdood?” I ask with sharpened interest. “You say Sumdood jumped you?”

He’s close, I can feel it. I knew it when the hairs stood up on the back of my neck when I got out of the rig. Evil lurks nearby.

“Yeah man,” the guy confirms. “Some dude.”

“There he is, over there!” the guy’s girlfriend says helpfully, pointing toward the crowd, “just standin‘ over there like he ain’t did nuthin‘!”

Shhh, don’t point at him!” I hiss, pulling her arm down. “Just be cool, a’ight?”

Aww girl, that ain’t him,” the guy says, feigning disgust. “Siddown and shut yo mouf.”

“That is him!” she insists. “I seen tha‘ whole thang!”

Shut. Yo. Mouf. Woman!” the guy warns through clenched teeth. The girlfriend, chastened, clams up.

He recognizes the guy, he just doesn’t want to admit to it. He’ll round up his posse and try to exact some street justice as soon as all the cops have gone. But he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with. All of them together are no match for Sumdood.

I catch Farting Partner’s eye and jerk my head toward one of the cops. He nods in understanding, hands me the two-inch tape he’s holding, and saunters over to one of the currently unoccupied police officers. Attempting to look casual, I finish taping up the gauze helmet FP has applied to our patient’s lacerated cranium.

“What’s up?” Officer Friendly asks quizzically as FP steers him over to us.

“Don’t look too obvious,” I tell him sotto voce, “But the perpetrator is standing over in the crowd. It’s Sumdood.”

Officer Friendly’s eyes narrow, and he casts a surreptitious glance at the crowd. “Which one?” he asks, rolling the toothpick to the other side of his mouth.

“The guy in the wifebeater shirt, baggy black denim shorts, with all the bling.”

“And which one of twenty would that be?” Officer Friendly asks, mildly exasperated.

“Sorry,” I apologize. “The one second from the left, toward the back. About five-ten, 160 pounds, corn row braids. It’s Sumdood, I know it.” The girlfriend nods in confirmation.

Him?” Officer Friendly asks incredulously. “Sheeeeeit, that’s just Tyrone. He’s a low level crack dealer. I’ve busted him a couple of times. He’s harmless.”

“I don’t care what his street name is, I’m telling you it’s Sumdood!” I insist. “The victim identified him!”

“He doesn’t fit Sumdood’s description,” the cop informs me. “I’ve got a composite sketch of him in the cruiser. Sumdood is at least six-three, and weighs 235. And he has an Afro. Besides, they just had a sighting of him not five minutes ago, all the way across town, at a drive-by shooting. No way he made it over here that fast.”

“You underestimate Sumdood,” I inform him sadly, shaking my head.

Oh, little does he understand the nature of Evil. Am I alone able to sense his presence? Will I forever be cursed with the burden of thwarting Sumdood? Oh well, with great power comes great responsibility.

Sumdood is all around us,” I educate the cop. “I have spent lonely years wandering the wilderness in my quest to stop him. It’s what I do. Picking up little old ladies who have fallen and can’t get up is just my cover.”

“Are you okay?” Officer Friendly asks, concerned. “You got a fever or something?”

“Listen to Ambulance Driver,” FP says solemnly. “We have seen things that would turn your hair white. Uh, that is, if you had any, I mean. Sumdood possesses powers that – “

“I got this, FP,” I say, interrupting my trusty sidekick. “Look, Officer Friendly. This is really beyond your level of experience and training. Sumdood has powers you can’t begin to fathom. He’s nearly immortal. Our only hope is to capture him when he takes physical form. You get the cuffs on him before he dissolves into smoke, I’ll bind him with the Sacred Three Inch Tape, anoint him with saline, and stab him in the heart with a sharpened caduceus made of rosewood. We’ll be heroes.”

“You guys have lost your fucking minds,” the cop replies in disgust. “That guy’s name is Tyrone Rockslinger. He’s lives over on Lee Street, and he’s been locked up in the parish jail for the past six months on possession with intent.

“You poor, deluded man,” I sigh tolerantly. “I realize this may sound unbelievable to you. It’s almost unbelievable to me too, and I’ve pursued Sumdood across the sands of time. Consider the fact that every description of Sumdood is different. Think of how Sumdood is often in two places at the same time. Think of how widely varied his modus operandi is. It’s obvious we’re dealing with a master criminal here, someone with superhuman powers.”

“We think he may be the third coming of the AntiChrist,” FP pronounces solemnly. “Only way to be sure is to examine his scalp.”

“You sure about this?” the cop asks dubiously. “He doesn’t seem all that dangerous-looking to me.”

“Looks are deceiving, believe me,” I warn him. “He is a shapeshifter, able to assume the guise of any being he touches. My guess is that the original Tyrone is stuffed in a trashcan somewhere.”

“And you say this Sumdood person is the one responsible for our complainant’s injuries?

“Oh, he’s responsible for a lot more than that, my friend,” FP says darkly. “He towed the iceberg into the shipping lanes, directly into the path of the Titanic. During the sacking of Jerusalem, he was directly respons -”

“He’s a bad dude, okay?” I interrupt, casting a warning glance at Farting Partner, “and this is as close as I’ve been since the Chicago Fire of 1871. We have to act now.”

The Chicago Fire of 1871?” Officer Friendly asks skeptically. “Bullshit. Mrs. O’Leary’s cow started that fire, and – “

“There was a cow there, yes,” I explain urgently, my patience wearing thin. “There was a cow, and Sumdood was…well, he was trying to…see, he had the cow backed up to this stool and he was standing on it, and…well, I tried to stop him, and in the struggle a lantern got knocked over, okay? Satisfied?”

“But that was over 120 years ago,” Officer Friendly protested. “You don’t look much older than thirty-five!”

“I am far, far older than I appear,” I explain wearily, “but my soul cannot rest until Sumdood has been banished back into the depths. I am trapped on this plane until I have defeated my enemy.”

“Who are you?” the cop hissed, eyes bright with curiosity. And fear.

I have to level with this man. I need him.

“I am one of an ancient and secret order of paramedics,” I level with him. “Even the mention of our existence is forbidden. We live among you, and always we are watching. We have tracked Sumdood for milennia, seeking ever to thwart him in his quest.”

“And what quest is that?”

“The end of civilization as we know it,” I say flatly, meeting his gaze. “We managed to stop him when he sabotaged the bilges on the Ark. He released the first rat that started the Black Plague. He started the flu pandemic of 1918 when he sneezed into an all-you-can eat mutton bar in Madrid.”

“Ask anybody around here where they bought their methamphetamine, heroin or crack,” FP suggests. “What do they all say?”

Sumdoo
d
,” Officer Friendly muses thoughtfully.

“And who is the babydaddy of half the unwed teen mothers around here?” I ask.

Sumdood.”

“Sumdood was the second gunman on the grassy knoll,” FP informs him.

“He kidnapped the Lindbergh baby, and let poor Bruno Hauptman take the fall for it. He has to be stopped.”

“And we’re pretty sure he was the source of the faulty intelligence that led us into Iraq,” FP furnishes. “We can’t let him get away.”

“We have to take this fucker down,” Officer Friendly says decisively. “He must be stopped.

“Glad you saw it our way, Officer.”

“Hey you, Sum – I mean, Tyrone!” Officer Friendly bellows. “Get your ass over here!” FP and I take up flanking positions and don dark sunglasses, hands at the ready.

Waaaaazzzzaaaap, Officer Friendly?” Sumdood brays as he sidles up. He casts a sidelong glance at me. I smile grimly, poised on the balls of my feet.

I know who you are, scumbag. And soon you’ll be mine.

“These EMTs here say you did this,” Officer Friendly says curtly, jerking his thumb at our gauze-helmeted patient. “As a matter of fact, they say you’re responsible for a lot more. I want some answers.”

Whaa, me?” protests Sumdood, the picture of innocence. “I ain’t did nothin‘!” He fixes the crowd on the porch with a piercing stare. “Ain’t that right?”

“Uh huh,” gauze head agrees vacantly. “Musta been somebody else…”

Ooooh, my bad!” chimes in his girlfriend with a glazed look in her eyes. “Gurlfriend wuz wrong.”

“See, Officer Friendly?” Sumdood grins triumphantly. “Just a case of mistaken identity. I can go now, right?”


“You can go now…” drools Officer Friendly as he stares into Sumdood’s eyes, slack jawed.

Sumdood throws us a mocking salute and does the pimp limp back into the crowd, fading into nothingness as FP and I stand there, mute in our rage. Sumdood is too strong for us to take on alone.

We were thisclose, people. Just a pair of handcuffs away from capturing the greatest threat to human health since AIDS or the Anopheles mosquito, and we missed our chance. But I’m still on the job, and I’ll never quit until I run Sumdood to ground.

But until then, Sumdood is still out there. And he’s only getting stronger.


  • Mr. Fixit

    You have been closer than many. I have only heard of Sumdood, I have never stared evil in the face. His powers are strong, my guys on the ambulance just carried one of his victems to the ER last niight.Keep on the trail.Mr Fixit

  • Mr. Fixit

    You have been closer than many. I have only heard of Sumdood, I have never stared evil in the face. His powers are strong, my guys on the ambulance just carried one of his victems to the ER last niight.Keep on the trail.Mr Fixit

  • Scottsdale Girl

    “He started the flu pandemic of 1918 when he sneezed into an all-you-can eat mutton bar in Madrid.”Classic. hahahahahaha!

  • Scottsdale Girl

    “He started the flu pandemic of 1918 when he sneezed into an all-you-can eat mutton bar in Madrid.”Classic. hahahahahaha!

  • PurpleDaisy

    The fact that I read your blog is LawDog’s fault. (I only recently discovered his blog.)What I’ve read of your blog so far, I’ve really enjoyed. You’ve made me laugh, think, and with this entry, groan & shake my head.Has anybody ever said to you, “Boy, you ain’t wrapped real tight, are you?”

  • PurpleDaisy

    The fact that I read your blog is LawDog’s fault. (I only recently discovered his blog.)What I’ve read of your blog so far, I’ve really enjoyed. You’ve made me laugh, think, and with this entry, groan & shake my head.Has anybody ever said to you, “Boy, you ain’t wrapped real tight, are you?”

  • Anonymous

    Funny. Sumdood shot a guy in my first due here in Florida just a few days ago.Just last week, I was talking to a nurse in an ACLS class I was teaching. She complained that my class was too long, and that she should have done what her coworkers do- she said they pay Sumdood $200 for an ACLS card, and they don’t even have to take a class.Sumdood is an evil man.Divemedic

  • Anonymous

    Funny. Sumdood shot a guy in my first due here in Florida just a few days ago.Just last week, I was talking to a nurse in an ACLS class I was teaching. She complained that my class was too long, and that she should have done what her coworkers do- she said they pay Sumdood $200 for an ACLS card, and they don’t even have to take a class.Sumdood is an evil man.Divemedic

  • Shane

    This is beautiful. Chuckled through the whole thing.

  • Shane

    This is beautiful. Chuckled through the whole thing.

  • Gary

    PurpleDaisy said…”Has anybody ever said to you, ‘Boy, you ain’t wrapped real tight, are you?’”PurpleDaisy, if you only knew. I think the actual phrase was “A few fries short of a Happy Meal”. The biggest problem with Sumdood is that he can be in more than one place at once. I’m even told that he drives a small dark colored foreign car and has cause hundreds if not thousands of MVCs. Gary

  • Gary

    PurpleDaisy said…”Has anybody ever said to you, ‘Boy, you ain’t wrapped real tight, are you?’”PurpleDaisy, if you only knew. I think the actual phrase was “A few fries short of a Happy Meal”. The biggest problem with Sumdood is that he can be in more than one place at once. I’m even told that he drives a small dark colored foreign car and has cause hundreds if not thousands of MVCs. Gary

  • Anonymous

    Sumdood is the one who passes out the infamous 2 beers that Lawdog asked about. He brews them in a pewter cauldron while murmuring Alchemical incantations and slowly adding wool of bat, toe of frog etc… Being wrapped tight is no fun, better to be few tacos short of a combo plate, leaves room for the refried beans.Sarah

  • Anonymous

    Sumdood is the one who passes out the infamous 2 beers that Lawdog asked about. He brews them in a pewter cauldron while murmuring Alchemical incantations and slowly adding wool of bat, toe of frog etc… Being wrapped tight is no fun, better to be few tacos short of a combo plate, leaves room for the refried beans.Sarah

  • Brandon

    Sumdood was in Las Vegas today, selling rock cocaine to a cokehead, running through a business with a gun, being an unknown guy who gave his passenger a ride. Great story!

  • Brandon

    Sumdood was in Las Vegas today, selling rock cocaine to a cokehead, running through a business with a gun, being an unknown guy who gave his passenger a ride. Great story!

  • John

    AD- I need you to pay close attention as you may be the ONLY person who has seen Sumdood up close enough and lived to tell abut it. But there is an ORIENTAL VERSION!!!OH Yes my friend- you’d better quiver—he had his way with my wife and I asked her his name and it sent chills up and down my spine- Seems we are also dealing with an Asian- SUM YUNG GAI!Be careful- he can’t drive for shit and smells faintly of MSG and cabbage! We think he is a carrier pidgeon of the Bird Flu!Wear PPE!!!Gotcer back-John

  • John

    AD- I need you to pay close attention as you may be the ONLY person who has seen Sumdood up close enough and lived to tell abut it. But there is an ORIENTAL VERSION!!!OH Yes my friend- you’d better quiver—he had his way with my wife and I asked her his name and it sent chills up and down my spine- Seems we are also dealing with an Asian- SUM YUNG GAI!Be careful- he can’t drive for shit and smells faintly of MSG and cabbage! We think he is a carrier pidgeon of the Bird Flu!Wear PPE!!!Gotcer back-John

  • Rodrigo

    Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.

  • AMiB

    “…and stab him in the heart with a sharpened caduceus made of rosewood. We’ll be heroes.”great post, thanks for the laughs :-D

  • AMiB

    “…and stab him in the heart with a sharpened caduceus made of rosewood. We’ll be heroes.”great post, thanks for the laughs :-D

  • Lindsey

    I suppose Sumdood is the same guy who distributes TwoBeers to the guys Law Dawg picks up right? Evil man.

  • Lindsey

    I suppose Sumdood is the same guy who distributes TwoBeers to the guys Law Dawg picks up right? Evil man.

  • Angell

    It might help you to know that Sumdood was spotted in Toronto just last week and was responsible for a school shooting…I hope you catch the bastard….

  • Angell

    It might help you to know that Sumdood was spotted in Toronto just last week and was responsible for a school shooting…I hope you catch the bastard….

  • Loving Annie

    Heh-heh-heh… you’re making me laugh before 8:00 a.m., AD !!!

  • Loving Annie

    Heh-heh-heh… you’re making me laugh before 8:00 a.m., AD !!!

  • Mark

    Don’t you EMT have be a Hypocratic Oaf or something? I think I prolapsed laughing over this one.Never, ever touch LawDog. If you did, there’d be a matter/antimatter anhillation, and none would survive.

  • Mark

    Don’t you EMT have be a Hypocratic Oaf or something? I think I prolapsed laughing over this one.Never, ever touch LawDog. If you did, there’d be a matter/antimatter anhillation, and none would survive.

  • WOZ

    Please stop Sumdood. He stole my American Flag, yard gnomes and porch swing and gave it to a poor defenseless guy who decided to list it for sale on craigslist only after trying tirelessly for 15 minutes to locate the rightful owner.

  • WOZ

    Please stop Sumdood. He stole my American Flag, yard gnomes and porch swing and gave it to a poor defenseless guy who decided to list it for sale on craigslist only after trying tirelessly for 15 minutes to locate the rightful owner.

  • JPG

    Ah,ha! Now much is explained. I had only vaguely suspected . . . .1969: Youngish patrol officer quizzing minors found in possession of alcohol: “Where’d y’all get the beer??Kid: Sumdood down at the car wash at Horne and Camp Bowie.YPO: Who was it?Kid: I dunno. Just Sumdood in jeans and a white shirt.Same general pattern, 1975, 1987, ’96, ’02. DA Inv, S.O. Det, SGT, LT. Grass, uppers, downers, crystal, cheap pistol, whatever. “I dunno – - Sumdood at the pizza place/rock concert/on the rec yard/in the park . . . .”WHO? “Sumdood, just hangs out ’round there.”Like a phantom. Always thought he was a low level dealer. Had no idea he was a major Force of Evil In the Universe.JPG

  • JPG

    Ah,ha! Now much is explained. I had only vaguely suspected . . . .1969: Youngish patrol officer quizzing minors found in possession of alcohol: “Where’d y’all get the beer??Kid: Sumdood down at the car wash at Horne and Camp Bowie.YPO: Who was it?Kid: I dunno. Just Sumdood in jeans and a white shirt.Same general pattern, 1975, 1987, ’96, ’02. DA Inv, S.O. Det, SGT, LT. Grass, uppers, downers, crystal, cheap pistol, whatever. “I dunno – - Sumdood at the pizza place/rock concert/on the rec yard/in the park . . . .”WHO? “Sumdood, just hangs out ’round there.”Like a phantom. Always thought he was a low level dealer. Had no idea he was a major Force of Evil In the Universe.JPG

  • Anonymous

    Outstanding!!!

  • Anonymous

    Outstanding!!!

  • Chris in SE TX

    AD, that was GREAT!!! AND, you’ve inspired LawDog to write a post about Sumdood!However, I wouldn’t mind getting a couple of those beers Sumdood sells, just need to make sure I’m not the designated driver….. although I suspect, he doesn’t give those famous “two beers” to passengers, only driver………sigh….

  • Chris in SE TX

    AD, that was GREAT!!! AND, you’ve inspired LawDog to write a post about Sumdood!However, I wouldn’t mind getting a couple of those beers Sumdood sells, just need to make sure I’m not the designated driver….. although I suspect, he doesn’t give those famous “two beers” to passengers, only driver………sigh….

  • Anonymous Therapist

    Sumdood used to appear frequently when I worked at a Big Massachusetts Hospital. Every couple of days, Sumdood would strike again, knifing folks in the back and shooting the odd homeslice from the street.I wish you the best of luck in your quest to capture Sumdood. Godspeed!

  • Anonymous Therapist

    Sumdood used to appear frequently when I worked at a Big Massachusetts Hospital. Every couple of days, Sumdood would strike again, knifing folks in the back and shooting the odd homeslice from the street.I wish you the best of luck in your quest to capture Sumdood. Godspeed!

  • Scott from Oregon

    You know, if you finally actually catch Sumdood and get him locked up, Sumdood will just take his place.

  • Scott from Oregon

    You know, if you finally actually catch Sumdood and get him locked up, Sumdood will just take his place.

  • LawDog

    You know, if you finally actually catch Sumdood and get him locked up, Sumdood will just take his place. No, it’ll be his buddy Sumgai.

  • LawDog

    No, it’ll be his buddy Sumgai.

  • Theodwyn

    Hilarious!

  • Theodwyn

    Hilarious!

  • Sarah

    Sumdood is brilliant indeed. Anyone who didn’t believe wholeheartedly in his existence would be asking AD what size tin foil beanie he wears. Those of us who know are burdened with the responsibility to try to educate those who don’t about the evil cunning that is Sumdood.

  • Sarah

    Sumdood is brilliant indeed. Anyone who didn’t believe wholeheartedly in his existence would be asking AD what size tin foil beanie he wears. Those of us who know are burdened with the responsibility to try to educate those who don’t about the evil cunning that is Sumdood.

  • rookie bebe

    I love what you write and your storytelling keeps me coming back, but this takes top prize! Out of this world story!Thanks for the laughs!

  • rookie bebe

    I love what you write and your storytelling keeps me coming back, but this takes top prize! Out of this world story!Thanks for the laughs!

  • Queen of Dysfunction

    I wish someone get on the ball and catch sumdood quickly. The welfare system can’t take many more of my female cousins getting knocked up by his sorry ass.

  • Queen of Dysfunction

    I wish someone get on the ball and catch sumdood quickly. The welfare system can’t take many more of my female cousins getting knocked up by his sorry ass.

  • Kiki B.

    I take it Sumdood was the guy who was paid 30 pieces of silver to betray Jesus, and also the one who beat up the guy the Good Samaritan had to treat on the side of the road. I bet you didn’t know there were Paramedics in the Bible. :-) You have been around for awhile, AD.P.S. Thanks to LawDog for pointing us to your blog. This was a great post. I only vaguely dealt with Sumdood as an OB nurse. He was generally called “My Baby’s Daddy” and frequently was MIA at the birth.

  • Kiki B.

    I take it Sumdood was the guy who was paid 30 pieces of silver to betray Jesus, and also the one who beat up the guy the Good Samaritan had to treat on the side of the road. I bet you didn’t know there were Paramedics in the Bible. :-) You have been around for awhile, AD.P.S. Thanks to LawDog for pointing us to your blog. This was a great post. I only vaguely dealt with Sumdood as an OB nurse. He was generally called “My Baby’s Daddy” and frequently was MIA at the birth.

  • Janean

    AAaaahhhhhhhh! Sumdood stops by my house occasionally, but not for anything as sinister as this. He usually goes by the name of “NotmeMom!’ or “Idunno” around here. :DKeep up the good work! I’m sure that cow back in Chicago was mighty grateful you stood up for her honor.

  • Janean

    AAaaahhhhhhhh! Sumdood stops by my house occasionally, but not for anything as sinister as this. He usually goes by the name of “NotmeMom!’ or “Idunno” around here. :DKeep up the good work! I’m sure that cow back in Chicago was mighty grateful you stood up for her honor.

  • Ambulance Driver

    Kiki B, actually Jesus was the first paramedic:http://tinyurl.com/2mafzv

  • Ambulance Driver

    Kiki B, actually Jesus was the first paramedic:http://tinyurl.com/2mafzv

  • MorningGlory

    Gary said… PurpleDaisy said… “Has anybody ever said to you, ‘Boy, you ain’t wrapped real tight, are you?’” PurpleDaisy, if you only knew. I think the actual phrase was “A few fries short of a Happy Meal”.Actually, AD has a full six-pack. He just lacks the little plastic thingy that holds it together.This was classic. Keep ‘em coming!

  • MorningGlory

    Gary said… PurpleDaisy said… “Has anybody ever said to you, ‘Boy, you ain’t wrapped real tight, are you?’” PurpleDaisy, if you only knew. I think the actual phrase was “A few fries short of a Happy Meal”.Actually, AD has a full six-pack. He just lacks the little plastic thingy that holds it together.This was classic. Keep ‘em coming!

  • 1389

    There’s also Sumdood’s buddy, “Nobody.”Whenever anything of mine is missing, and I ask whether anyone knows where it might be, I always hear:”Nobody could have taken it…”

  • 1389

    There’s also Sumdood’s buddy, “Nobody.”Whenever anything of mine is missing, and I ask whether anyone knows where it might be, I always hear:”Nobody could have taken it…”

  • Tiny Shrink

    Round these parts (Houston), it’s usually “Twodoods”. Apparently, Sumdood and Sumgai partner up here, so it’s usually the Twodoods who jump the poor, unsuspecting victim, SOTSCMMOB. Sorry to hear you missed him this time!

  • Tiny Shrink

    Round these parts (Houston), it’s usually “Twodoods”. Apparently, Sumdood and Sumgai partner up here, so it’s usually the Twodoods who jump the poor, unsuspecting victim, SOTSCMMOB. Sorry to hear you missed him this time!

  • Tiny Shrink

    Round these parts (Houston), it’s usually “Twodoods”. Apparently, Sumdood and Sumgai partner up here, so it’s usually the Twodoods who jump the poor, unsuspecting victim, SOTSCMMOB. Sorry to hear you missed him this time!

  • Tiny Shrink

    Round these parts (Houston), it’s usually “Twodoods”. Apparently, Sumdood and Sumgai partner up here, so it’s usually the Twodoods who jump the poor, unsuspecting victim, SOTSCMMOB. Sorry to hear you missed him this time!

  • Little

    Unfortunately, those with the knowledge of how to subdue sumdood aren’t always in the right place. We literally had him in our own hands six years ago after a string of garbage can fires. One of us noticed that the same guy was always present, so we tried to take him into custody one night as he was about to elave the scene. A fellow firefighter ahd him on the ground in a choke hold at one point, and we could have blinded him with Sacred Tape and bound his limbs with Holy Steel Wire, but turnout gear isn’t very good at protecting the eyes from being jabbed, sensitive areas from being kicked and, last but not least, the entire firefighter from being stabbed. This last consideration made us end the confrontation post-haste after the first two took place.If only one of the Order could have been there :(

  • Little

    Unfortunately, those with the knowledge of how to subdue sumdood aren’t always in the right place. We literally had him in our own hands six years ago after a string of garbage can fires. One of us noticed that the same guy was always present, so we tried to take him into custody one night as he was about to elave the scene. A fellow firefighter ahd him on the ground in a choke hold at one point, and we could have blinded him with Sacred Tape and bound his limbs with Holy Steel Wire, but turnout gear isn’t very good at protecting the eyes from being jabbed, sensitive areas from being kicked and, last but not least, the entire firefighter from being stabbed. This last consideration made us end the confrontation post-haste after the first two took place.If only one of the Order could have been there :(

  • Little

    Unfortunately, those with the knowledge of how to subdue sumdood aren’t always in the right place. We literally had him in our own hands six years ago after a string of garbage can fires. One of us noticed that the same guy was always present, so we tried to take him into custody one night as he was about to elave the scene. A fellow firefighter ahd him on the ground in a choke hold at one point, and we could have blinded him with Sacred Tape and bound his limbs with Holy Steel Wire, but turnout gear isn’t very good at protecting the eyes from being jabbed, sensitive areas from being kicked and, last but not least, the entire firefighter from being stabbed. This last consideration made us end the confrontation post-haste after the first two took place.If only one of the Order could have been there :(

  • Little

    Unfortunately, those with the knowledge of how to subdue sumdood aren’t always in the right place. We literally had him in our own hands six years ago after a string of garbage can fires. One of us noticed that the same guy was always present, so we tried to take him into custody one night as he was about to elave the scene. A fellow firefighter ahd him on the ground in a choke hold at one point, and we could have blinded him with Sacred Tape and bound his limbs with Holy Steel Wire, but turnout gear isn’t very good at protecting the eyes from being jabbed, sensitive areas from being kicked and, last but not least, the entire firefighter from being stabbed. This last consideration made us end the confrontation post-haste after the first two took place.If only one of the Order could have been there :(

  • Mariah

    Reading this managed to turn my mind-numbing menial-labor morning at work around. Thank you =)

  • Mariah

    Reading this managed to turn my mind-numbing menial-labor morning at work around. Thank you =)

  • William

    Here in Norn Iron we have Sumdoods co-conspirators, known locally as Sumbloke and Sumguy……seem to be the ones causing all the havoc here. They do a mighty fine job of maintaining high employment levels for all grades of healthcare staff, and the local emergency services in general though…

  • William

    Here in Norn Iron we have Sumdoods co-conspirators, known locally as Sumbloke and Sumguy……seem to be the ones causing all the havoc here. They do a mighty fine job of maintaining high employment levels for all grades of healthcare staff, and the local emergency services in general though…

  • http://www.facebook.com/naturegirlfromny Linda Wheeler Weigel

    Brilliant! You should write books!

  • Ambulance_Driver

    Heh. I do!

  • http://www.facebook.com/naturegirlfromny Linda Wheeler Weigel

    Brilliant! You should write books!

  • Ambulance_Driver

    Heh. I do!

  • http://www.facebook.com/naturegirlfromny Linda Wheeler Weigel

    Brilliant! You should write books!

  • Ambulance_Driver

    Heh. I do!

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  • mr618

    Okay, I give. SOTSCMMOB? Obviously “sitting on the (something S something C) minding my own business,” but the SC has been driving me batty (or, as my son would say, “it's not a drive, Dad, it's a putt. A very short putt.”). Also, is Sumdood related to Sumutherdood, of whom people say “Sumutherdood did it” (the famous SODDI defense)?

  • mr618

    Oh, wait… “standing on the street corner, watching all the girls— err, minding my own business”, right?

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  • ddumasemt

    Dont forget the evil minions Dat Guy and SumChick. Not to be confused with SumBitch which considered a term of endearment in Northeast LA

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  • MrIrish

    Don’t forget the criminal trio of master minds, Dude, My Guy and OldBoy.

  • Lone Medic

    Sumdood was tying up EMS resources in southern Illinois calling for chest pain and leaving the scene. His war on EMS is picking up folks.

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