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Sumdood Sighting

Dear Patient,

I realize your jaw has been broken eleven times, mainly because you’ve told me so all the way to the hospital.

And I’m sure you’re convinced this is the twelfth time, but judging from how many times you forgot all about the excruciating pain you’re supposedly experiencing and managed to articulate lengthy sentences perfectly well, I remain skeptical.

And I’m sure you were just sitting there in your car, minding your own business, reading the Bible and drinking a wholesome glass of milk, when all of a sudden and for NO reason, Sumdood just drug you from your car and pummeled you mercilessly…

… but I’d reexamine my life choices if I were you. Apparently, sitting around minding your own business hasn’t worked out well for you the past eleven times.

You should mix it up a bit, dude. Throw some gang signs at the wrong people. Stroll through Bloods territory wearing your favorite blue ensemble.

Take a whizz on Sumdood’s new spinner rims.

Cop a feel of the linebacker’s girlfriend’s ass on the dance floor at the club.

Commit a misdemeanor and make the police chase you for a while.

Spend a relaxing evening tugging on Superman’s cape, pulling the mask off the ole’ Lone Ranger and messin’ around with Jim.

Anything’s gotta work better than what you’ve been doing.