Dear Borg IT Drones,

I’m sure, never having worked on an ambulance, that you’re mightily impressed with our recent CAD software upgrade.

And truly, the graphics and buttons are kinda sexy.

But while it probably makes sense to you to set it up to have the computer automatically plot a route to every friggin’ destination, to us, the end users, the functionality is somewhat lessened by the fact that our GPS network apparently consists of two 70’s era satellites communicating via tin cans and a really long string, and the route processing algorithm was apparently written by little Billy from the Family Circus comic strip.

So until you manage to develop a mapping system that doesn’t suck great big rocks off the sea floor, I have a request:

Go to the dispatch server at Headquarters Hive, log in with your admin password, and choose the “System settings” drop down list on the top tool bar.

From there, choose Navigation > Route Planning > Preferences, and un-check the box that says “make as many 90 degree turns as possible.”

And while you’re there, go to Route Planning > Preferences > Avoidances, and check the boxes for “ghetto,” “construction zone,” “bike path,” “game trail,” and “wander around aimlessly like a drunken fucking sailor.”

Thanks ever so much,
Ambulance Driver