As of 2:00 pm today, I am
in debt for the next thirty years officially a homeowner.
And now that the papers are signed and the deed is done, I would like to say this to my FHA mortgage underwriters:
You can call go eat a big bowl of dicks.
Thanks for making my Thanksgiving and Christmas a special hell, you bunch of intrusive, nitpicky, foot-dragging, nosy, paperwork-losing, non-email-returning, faceless sack of scrotum lickers.
If you were all dying of thirst in the desert, I wouldn’t sell you the sweat off my testicles.
Screw you all, in triplicate.