What I Need…Is a Good Color Commentator

Tough IV sticks would be so much easier if you had your own cheering section and a good color commentator, don’t you think?

“What an incredible Cinderella story! This unknown, comes out of Podunk, LA, to lead the pack…at Augusta. He’s on the right arm, this dude’s got some tough veins there…He’s about four inches away, he’s gonna stick about a 14 gauge I think. [sticks, produces a world class hematoma] Oh, he got all of that! The crowd is standing on its feet here at Augusta. The normally reserved crowd is going wild… [pauses] for this young Cinderella Paramedic who’s come out of nowhere. He’s got about two veins left to shoot for, he’s going to stick about about a 16 gauge it looks like, don’t you think? He’s got a beautiful technique… [sticks, catheter won’t advance] That’s- Oh, he got all of that one! He’s gotta be pleased with that! The crowd is just on its feet here. He’s a Cinderella medic. Tears in his eyes, I guess, as he lines up this last shot. He’s got about an inch left, it’s a twisty little vein, and he’s got a, looks like he’s got about an 18 gauge. This crowd has gone deadly silent… Cinderella Paramedic story, out of nowhere, former dog trainer, now, about to become the IV Access Champion. [sticks, gets flashback, catheter advances] It looks like a mirac- It’s in the vein! It’s in the vein!”

One day soon, I’ll tell you about my Caddyshack Call.