The Notebook: The Lost Chapter

You know the sappy novel by Nicholas Sparks about star-crossed lovers that was made into an even sappier chick flick starring Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams?

Yeah well, I got to see the sequel last night. Only in my version, both characters are from the wrong side of the tracks, and the Ryan Gosling character was actually a crack dealer and the Rachel McAdams character was a crack addict Native American (member of the Fydallaho tribe), and they both united for a brief moment of shared passion.

Only Ryan reneged on the agreed-upon price upon discovery that three crack rocks, five bucks and a three-piece white meat box from Church’s Chicken was far too much to pay for cooter that smelled like a decaying codfish and was infested with condyloma. (not work safe or for the weak of stomach).

So Rachel, spurned by her true love, flipped the hell out and proceeded to take her promised payment out of his hide in the form of a world-class ass whipping. That, of course, is where I came in.

But other than that, it was exactly like the movie.

Man, I’m such a sucker for a real love story.