*sigh*

The ex and I pretty much agree on everything when it comes to KatyBeth. In fact, the only thing we’ve ever disagreed on is the subject of pierced ears.

KatyBeth was less than a year old when Ex Missus and her mother announced that they wanted to get Katy’s ears pierced.

I pitched a fit. Not that I’m against piercings and body jewelry, but I am when the wearer is still in diapers.

“Not a chance in Hell,” I vowed.

They were genuinely taken aback at my vehemence. “Why not?” they asked, surprised. “It’ll be cute!”

“My daughter is already cute,” I answered, “and I’m not going to allow her to be mutilated for someone else’s idea of aesthetics.”

They didn’t care for my use of the word mutilation, but in my mind that’s exactly what it was. And they knew better than to broach the subject again. It was one of the few times I felt it necessary to show my ass to my wife and MIL.

A couple of times since then, Katy has approached me about piercing her ears, an idea obviously planted by Grandma and not something Katy wanted herself. I told her to go back to Mawmaw’s house and tell her, “Daddy said NO WAY.”

I told the Ex that I’d let Katy get a piercing under the following conditions:

1. Only one pair of holes, in an earlobe only. If she wants a second set, she has to wait until she’s in high school.

2. No noses, eyebrows, tongues, or navels, ever. Is she wants to pierce anything besides her ears, wait until she’s 18 and out of my house. And if she ever decides to pierce any part of her hoo ha, she’d better wait until I’m dead and in the ground before sharing that little tidbit.

3. Where tattoos are concerned, see #2. No butterflies, flowers, cartoon characters, barbed wire, Chinese symbols or tramp stamps until she’s at least 18.

4. When she wants her ears pierced, she’ll have to ask me, and convince me it was her idea.

*sigh*

That day came today.

Hopefully I’ll be dead before she decides to decorate her coochie like a Christmas tree.