More War Story Improv

This week's story:

"So I'm saying to the guy as I'm bandaging his head, 'So I'm guessing you were sitting here with your homies, drinking a wholesome glass of milk and holding your weekly Bible study, when all of a sudden and for no reason, Sumdood just jumped you, right?"

"Or Mookie," my partner chimes in. "It's always Sumdood or Mookie."

"And dude smells like he's been smoking a blunt in a brewery, and he goes, 'Yeah, man, and I ain't even did nuttin'! And I'm sittin' here bleedin' to death, and the cop's up in my grill, questionin' ME, and next thang I know, I'm on the ground with cuffs on! I ain't did nuttin'!'

"And I go, 'Despite our fondest wishes of your early demise, I doubt you're in danger of exsanguination in the immediate future. And the cops don't just Tase and handcuff people for no reason. So do you care to tell us where else you're injured, or why you're wearing fishnet stockings, a leopard print thong and a leather bustier?"

"And dude goes, 'Man, I ain't gonna lie to you. What had happened wuz…'

Take it away, people…