The Miranda Paradox

Dear Intoxicated, In-Custody Patient,

The nice police officer has already advised you of your right to remain silent.

Now, I beg of you by all that is holy, exercise that right.

Please.

**********

Thus goes one of AD’s axioms of EMS that I like to call the Miranda Paradox: Whenever dealing with an in-custody patient, the ones you wish would talk won’t, and the ones you wish would shut up won’t.

They’re like the Profanity Terminator; they can’t be bargained with, they can’t be reasoned with, they can’t be placated, and they will not shut up – ever! – until they are sober.