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Dear Malingerer Girl,

You are not injured, and no amount of piteous screaming, moaning, sobbing and wild gesticulations you engage in, even delivered at ear-splitting volume, is going to convince anyone.

In fact, the evident ease at which you moved your injured shoulder during your performance, will be thoroughly documented by me in dry, objective clinical prose, in addition to the total absence of any objective signs of injury.

You were struck by a soggy clump of acoustical ceiling tile that fell from perhaps five feet over your head. You are not permanently disabled, nor are you “fidna git paid,” as you so loudly proclaimed to me, the business manager, and everyone else in earshot.

You have, if you’ll forgive the use of complicated medical terminology, a “boo boo.”

Your boo boo, at most, entitles you to an apology from the manager, and a coupon for a free footlong sub of your choice.

If you doubt that, just wait until whatever vulture personal injury attorney you retain reads my medical report.

Love and kisses,
The Paramedic Whose Time You Wasted

Comments - Add Yours

  • Ltackett38701

    Love the post, hope all is well with you. Stay safe!!!

  • Lynda Otvos

    Rock on, AD, don’tcha hate Drama Princesses and the way they can carry on and on and on. Good on you for telling the truth about your patients.

  • Bobball

    This doesn’t look like an AD post-shoot AAR…or any sort of post-conference AAR (if you’re speaking at a place with dripping tiles, perhaps you should move back to a higher level of conference).


  • CombatDoc

    Just finished a chart, makes over thirty charts on this individual since Feb 1…I feel your pain

  • A. Non E. Moose

    It is a shame we cannot document this type of behavior with our smart phone video cameras and attach a copy of the video to our PCR’s. Well at least for now we cannot, but when LEO’s are video taping the entire event with body worn video cameras, I am hoping some of us are not too far behind. For now, I’ll just settle for through documentation of the incident and encourage my sidekicks oops, I mean partners to write an incident report as well.

    Old partners rule of thumb to her kids applies here: Is it broken? Bleeding profusely? Can’t breathe in air (while they stand there and scream about it) then I don’t want to hear about it.

  • Sigivald

    What’s “fidna” mean in standard English?

    (Seriously, I have no idea. Some sort of variant of “finally”?)

  • Me not you

    Fidna loosely translates as fixing to get.

    • Ambulance_Driver

      I forget that not everyone is fluent in Southern redneck. ;)