Overheard On The Bolance

Sketchy Patient: “Wait, you can’t give me pain medication!”

Ambulance Driver: “Sez who? Are you allergic to Fentanyl?”

SP: “No, I’m allergic to morphine.”

AD: “Not the same stuff, and I thought you said ‘my guts are tearing apart’ or something like that.”

SP: “Yeah, but y’all never give me pain medication in the ambulance.”

AD: “That was them, this is me. Do you want some pain relief or not?”

SP: “Yes!”

*five minutes later*

Partner (accidentally jostling stretcher): “Sorry about that, Ma’am. Sometimes the latch sticks a bit.”

SP (nastily): “I’m never riding with y’all again! Y’all are fucking assholes!”

AD: “What part of the service were you dissatisfied with, Madam? Was it the blanket we provided, or the driving 10 mph below the posted limit to keep the ride as smooth as possible, or was it the pain medication I provided that all of my colleagues have apparently denied you?”

SP: “Well, it wasn’t fucking enough!”

AD: “Is this your way of asking for another dose? Because I gotta be honest with you, sweetheart, there are better ways to go about it.”

SP: “Yer a fuckin’ asshole! What’s yer name?”

AD: “Chump. Fucking Chump. Thank you for asking.”

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