First Arriving Network
Powered by the First Arriving Network,Reaching 1M+ First Responders Worldwide

Overheard On The Bolance

Verbatim conversation at the homeless shelter this morning:

AD: "Hello, Sir. What seems to be the problem this morning?"

Sullen, Uncooperative Patient: "I gotta get outta this place, man."

AD: "Okay. Any particular reason?"

SUP: "I catch seizures."

AD: "Okay, and you caught one this morning?"

SUP: " … "

AD: "Sir?"

SUP: "I done told you I catch seizures, muhfucka. Now can we get da fuck up outta dis place?"

AD: "Did anyone see this seizure?"

Pontificating Roommate: "I seen it!"

AD: "Can you describe what happened?"

PR (sucking in a loooong breath): "See, whut had happen wuz, he s'posta be takin' DeLorean and he ain't had it in 72 hours because of a dispute he had wit' the Medicaid folks and his body be metabolizatin' all his medication and thass why he catch seizures and he need some more and he compulsed about fifteen minutes and then he locked up in the fixed stare and I stayed wit' him and put a spoon in his mouf so he don't swallow his tongue…"

AD: "And when did all this happen?"

PR: "About four hours ago."

AD: "Well… alrighty, then."

I'm glad they called the ambulance so promptly. If we hadn't gotten da fuck up outta dat place soon, who knows what might have happened.

Comments - Add Yours

  • CajunAggie

    For your sake I hope that 4 hour wait didn’t have the call come in at 4am

  • Old_NFO

    LOL, yep another set of real winners AD :-)

  • skidmark

    The promptitude of the decision to transport after an exhaustive patient history provided by the attending medical consultant (PR) is what makes Borg Medical Tranport and Hand-Holding such a respected service provider.
    Imma gonna ax my provider iffin I can have DeLoreans rescribed – even though I don’t chase seizures, let alone catch any. Maybe I can get one up to 86MPH.
    stay safe.

  • Scott Kenny

    eeesh. Someone working on a malady related to stainless steel allergies?

  • Woodman

    I once rushed my daughter to the hospital 62 hours after she hurt herself.

    No one saw what happened and she was just complaining of a sore neck. Turns out when you are three a sore neck includes a broken collar bone.

    Even the ER doctor was shocked to match the x-ray with the little girl bouncing up and down on the table playing with her bear. If it hadn’t been for her fever and the fact that she stopped using her left arm after a couple days I might not have noticed for longer.

  • Leasa

    Am I the only one that had the song by The Animals go through their head? “we gotta get outta this place, if it’s the last thing we ever do…”