First Arriving Network
First Arriving Network

Overheard On The Bolance

Verbatim conversation at the homeless shelter this morning:

AD: "Hello, Sir. What seems to be the problem this morning?"

Sullen, Uncooperative Patient: "I gotta get outta this place, man."

AD: "Okay. Any particular reason?"

SUP: "I catch seizures."

AD: "Okay, and you caught one this morning?"

SUP: " … "

AD: "Sir?"

SUP: "I done told you I catch seizures, muhfucka. Now can we get da fuck up outta dis place?"

AD: "Did anyone see this seizure?"

Pontificating Roommate: "I seen it!"

AD: "Can you describe what happened?"

PR (sucking in a loooong breath): "See, whut had happen wuz, he s'posta be takin' DeLorean and he ain't had it in 72 hours because of a dispute he had wit' the Medicaid folks and his body be metabolizatin' all his medication and thass why he catch seizures and he need some more and he compulsed about fifteen minutes and then he locked up in the fixed stare and I stayed wit' him and put a spoon in his mouf so he don't swallow his tongue…"

AD: "And when did all this happen?"

PR: "About four hours ago."

AD: "Well… alrighty, then."

I'm glad they called the ambulance so promptly. If we hadn't gotten da fuck up outta dat place soon, who knows what might have happened.

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