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Overheard On The Bolance

Patient: “So I was sleeping on the couch, and I just woke up, and my pants were on fire!”

AD: “Uh huh. And how did the rest of the garage catch on fire?”

Patient: “I, um, might have turned over some paint thinner and stuff while I was trying to put my pants out.”

Skinny: “Do you smoke, sir?”

Patient (suspiciously): “Yeah, couple packs a day. Why, you insinuating I was smoking in bed? Because I wasn’t!”

AD: “Of course, because that would be stupid.”

Skinny: “And you’re obviously not stupid…”

Patient: “Damn straight! I know better!”

AD: “And yet, by your own admission, the couch was nowhere near a possible ignition source. And you say that the last thing you were doing before you fell asleep was drinking and smoking a cigarette.”

Patient (slurred): “I’m not drunk! And I didn’t fall asleep with no lit cigarette!”

Skinny: “Right. Because that would be… stupid.”

AD: “Had you been lying, sir?”

Patient: “Sure, right there on the couch!”

AD: “No, I mean fibbing. Telling falsehoods. Prevaricating.”

Patient: “Huh?”

AD: “Well, normally when one’s pants are on fire…”

Patient: “You sumbitches are trying to say I burnt my own Goddamn garage down!”

Skinny: “No one’s accusing you of anything, sir.”

AD: “We’re just trying to get all the facts. We try to do that whenever we report a case of spontaneous human combustion. You know, in case Ripley’s calls later.”

Comments - Add Yours

  • Brian

    Or was he just selling insurance? No mas pantalones

  • Cath

    Oh! Aha! Took me a couple of readings to spot the “normally when one’s pants are on fire…” *giggle* :-)

    • lelnet

      I’m wondering if AD actually said that. ‘Cause that’s the sort of thing that normally gets added to the tale after the fact. :)

      • Cath

        Who knows? It’s a good story, anyway :-)

      • Ambulance_Driver

        Yep, I said it out loud, and to the patient. That’s an almost verbatim conversation.

        I’ve been saying outrageous things to patients for twenty years, and usually getting away with it, because as the comedians say, “It’s all in the delivery. ” ;)