Don’t get me wrong. I know how to splint. I can secure broken bone ends as well as anyone, I suppose.
But you know those artistes that can fashion a traction splint from two rolled magazines, a belt, two popsicle sticks and a pack of Twizzlers?
Yeah, well, I’m not one of those guys. Never was one of those guys, never gonna be one of those guys.
Which probably explains why I spent my last transport with my knee uncomfortably propped under the patient’s left elbow, holding his dislocated shoulder in the position of optimum comfort.
Of course, doping them to the eyeballs before you load them in the rig helps, too. If you’ve got a fracture or dislocation, I’m the medic you want, because I’m going to give you whopping doses of analgesics to make up for my lack of splinting prowess.