Valued Repeat Customers

The proper sequence, boys and girls is 1) light, 2) throw, and 3) run.* Get that sequence wrong, and things get messy, as in “wipe your ass with a hook from now on” messy. Also, if you’re lighting off a 3″ artillery mortar, and the launch tube has a base to hold it upright as it sits on the ground, ...

From earlier this shift: AD:“Howdy, Mercy General, this is AD on Borg Cube 564. We’re five minutes out with Freda Frequent Flier.” ED Nurse: “And what malady inflicts Freda today?” AD: “Acute exacerbation of chronic Freda Frequent Flier.” ED Nurse: “It’s a full-time job, being Freda.” AD: “The drama of her life requires a cast of thousands. And tonight, you ...

Gas station clerk: “He’s drunk, and trespassing. When I asked him to leave, he made like he was going to sit on one of the concrete pump barriers, pretended to fall off of it, and now he won’t stop screaming.” AD: “What’s your name, sir?” Patient:“AAAUGH! AAAARGH! WOOOO! GAWD HAVE MERCY!” AD: “Luther, is that you?” Patient (nodding) “WAAUGH! LAWDY ...