MEMES: Scourge of the Blogosphere…

…or a boon to those of us suffering from blogger’s block?

Since I’m suffering from blog constipation, and my next post is gonna be about *yawn* airway management, I figured I’d throw this out there so y’all won’t think I’m dead…

They call this one the LALOLKFATYK meme, cleverly titled to mean Learn A Lot of Little Known Facts About Those You Know.

And here I thought it was what an alcoholic overdose patient said when they felt the cold Betadine, right before that Foley catheter enters their urethra…

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yep. I’ve been called by my middle name all my life, and Mom got it from a soap opera character, a black doctor on a long since forgotten soap opera. But she liked the name, and I have since spent my life explaining, “No, it was originally a boy’s name…”

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Can’t remember, but not because it was so long ago. I write a sad story, I tear up remembering it. I cry occasionally, and I ain’t ashamed to admit it. Hear that ladies? Single, smart, moderately funny, and sensitive. I’m the total package, baby!

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? It’s readable, that’s the best I can say for it, but classic Palmer Penmanship it ain’t. I print everything in formal documents.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Roast beef, thickly sliced.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Just one…that I know of, heh heh. I was a bit of a ho in my twenties.

Then again, I was also an ethical ho with a healthy fear of STDs, so I’m pretty sure it’s just the one. Wouldn’t mind another one though, with the right babymomma.

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Of course. I’m a loyal friend, and a dedicated enemy.

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Me, sarcastic? Never.

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? All original parts here. Still have my tonsils, appendix, vas deferens, all my fingers and toes, and all of my visible teeth (minus a couple of molars). Which is pretty amazing, now that I think about my redneck childhood…

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Not. On. Your. Life. All I see when someone bungee jumps is visions of herniated discs, vertebral subluxations and all sorts of bad things. On the other hand, I am itching to parachute from a perfectly good airplane, and as soon as I get this body to less than 240 pounds, that will be my present to myself.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Toss up between Sugar Smacks and Honey Nut Cheerios. KatyBeth’s therapists used to entice her with food (they even made her a shirt that said “Will work for food”), and Honey Nut Cheerios were a favorite reward. The therapist spent as much time slapping my hand when I reached into the treat cup as she did working with KatyBeth.

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope. I just kick them off – sneakers or Crocs. My EMS duty boots have side zippers, so I don’t untie them either. All of the footwear in my closet (save for dress shoes) have knots tied in the end of the laces so they won’t slip out of the eyelets. I can stomp my feet into my shoes and have them tied in ten seconds.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I used to be. Legs were always stronger than upper body, but I could bench press my weight fairly easily. I can still bench press my weight, too. My 1993 weight, that is.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? The Butterfinger Blast from Sonic drive-in. It calls to me in a sweet siren song, and I am powerless to resist.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Eyes and smile for women. Seriously. Without warmth in their eyes or smile, it doesn’t matter how big their hooters are.

Okay, maybe it doesn’t matter as much how big their hooters are.

For males, it’s the handshake. I cannot stand a limp handshake.

RED OR PINK? I am secure enough in my masculinity to wear pink. As a matter of fact, I have a few pink shirts in the closet. Can’t stand red, though. If I had to pick a favorite color, it would be navy blue or hunter green.

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My tendency to procrastinate. I’ve been meaning to join a support group, but just haven’t gotten around to it. No biggie, though – they still haven’t scheduled their first meeting.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My brother, probably. He practically raised me, but we’re not as close as we once were.

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Neither pants nor shoes. I’m in bed typing this on my laptop. [Note to self: get a chill pad for the laptop, or burn cream for the naughty parts] But last night, it was navy blue scrubs and New Balance running shoes.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Grilled shrimp, red beans and rice, and a pistolette from a local restaurant.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? My Windows Media Player on shuffle. Last song: Michael Buble’s Home. Currently playing: Simple Kind of Man, by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? I’d be burnt ochre, just because the name conjures up a funky smell, and if you work in EMS or the ER, you’re all about the funky smells.

FAVORITE SMELLS? In no particular order: Tanned leather, cigars, bourbon, cypress swamps, Hoppe’s #9, the smell just before a rainstorm, and freshly mown grass. Oh yeah, and the smell of a freshly bathed baby.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My teaching partner, confirming the dates for some classes we’re teaching.

FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Football. Saints football first, followed closely by Indianapolis Colts football and LSU football.

HAIR COLOR[S]? Brown. Right now though, it’s tanned scalp, with just the hint of a recent sunburn. I shaved all my hair off last week.

EYE COLO
R? Blue green.

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope. I did once, but I suppose my eyes were tired when I took my eye exam. I was diagnosed with mild astigmatism, but I can see 20/20 when my eyes are well rested.

FAVORITE FOOD? Steak, and whatever comes with it. Rub it in spices and peppercorns, throw it on a hot grill, maybe thirty seconds on one side and fifteen on the other. When you cut into it, you should hear a faint moo and blood should run across the plate into your garlic mashed potatoes.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings. Not many movies scare me anyway.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Hannibal Rising, on DVD. Bleh.

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? No shirt. Sunburned shoulders and hairy man boobs are currently bared in all their glory. Earlier today, it was a tee shirt with a laryngoscopist’s-eye view of the human glottis and the caption, “Just tube it, baby.”

SUMMER OR WINTER? Neither. For me, it’s fall, the time of year I get to indulge my inner predator and go slay some of God’s furry little creatures. Run Bambi, it’s Ambulance Driver!

HUGS OR KISSES? I believe in long, slow deep wet kisses that last three days. I believe that the novels of Susan Sontag are pretentious bullshit. I also believe in the sweet spot, the hanging curve ball, good Scotch…and the fact that I’m having yet another Bull Durham flashback.

FAVORITE DESSERT? Other than the aforementioned Sonic Blasts, I’m not much for sweets. If I had to choose, I’d say apples and caramel.

MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Jay G. Brotha’ can’t resist a good meme.

LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Tamara, most likely because she’s above this kind of crap. Lucky for you though, my standards are much lower. 😉

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Galleys of the thoracic trauma chapter of Paramedic Care: Principles and Practice, 2nd Edition by Bryan Bledsoe. It’s riveting.

WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? At work, a Ducks Unlimited print of Lab puppies. Someone stole my New Orleans Charity Hospital mouse pad that says “Charity ER: Where The Life You Save May Take Your Own.”

WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? Lady and the Tramp. Again.

FAVORITE SOUND[S]? My kid laughing. The sound of a raspy mallard hen doing a hail call. A bullet strike on a metal backplate. Bilateral breath sounds after an intubation.

ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? That’s like asking me if I prefer shit or vomit. Can’t really stand either one.

WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? In terms of mileage? San Francisco, California. In terms of politics and ideology? San Francisco, California.

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I do a dead on Stevie Wonder impression, and I’m pretty good at Granny Klumpp, too. And I can recite all the dialogue from Forrest Gump.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? St. Francis Medical Center in Monroe, Louisiana. I’m still working on getting them to erect a commemorative plaque. My people are talking with their people, but no luck thus far.

WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Sumdood’s. I’m hoping his answers will yield a clue to his whereabouts.