I’m Baaaaaack…

As the saying goes, rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

Sorry about the paucity of pithy posting lately, but I’ve had my reasons.

Spent the last week celebrating New Year’s with my lovely sweetheart, who showed me the sights of southern Georgia, cooked delicious meals, dealt with my daughter’s hero worship and incessant questions, and ignored my smelly feet. The woman’s a saint, I tell you.

Blogging was not high on my list of priorities, but Babs managed to soothe away the aches of 2007 and recharge my emotional batteries, so the coming year should be a good one.

Before I could leave for Georgia, I had a few major personal and professional items to attend to before the end of the year, but I am proud to say that I was able to make the drive without fear of being apprehended by The Man.

*Note To Self* Never take the Podunk PeeDee Police Chief up on his offer to fix a ticket for you. It’s much cheaper and less aggravating to just pay the damned ticket.

*Note To Self Number Two* Never trust a man who says, “Here, I’ll pay those tickets for you. It’s the least I could do; after all it was my trailer, and you were doing me a favor.”

This especially applies to a man who can’t be trusted to pay the utility bills for his own damned ambulance service.

*Note To Self Number Three* Never, EVER drive through Woodworth, LA again.

Whilst paying my exorbitant fines to the legally sanctioned extortionists Woodworth Police Department, I was able to peruse the swanky Town Hall I have personally financed over the years.

Honestly, I’ve never seen gold-plated bathroom fixtures outside of Graceland. It felt almost sacrilegious to take a dump in such a fine toilet.

Then I remembered how much I had paid for said toilet, and gleefully grunted up a monster loaf to symbolize my everlasting love for their fine town…

…and left without flushing.

I live for such moments.