EMStock After Action Report…

…in which AD spreads the linky love.

As soon as I got back from EMStock, The Borg got their hooks into me for an entire week, so I’m a little late in posting my after action report.

Folks, it was more fun than a room full of hookers and nitrous oxide.

Not only were there participants there from as far away as Edmonton, Alberta and London, England, but the conference faculty was as distinguished as any you’ll find at either of the two major national EMS conferences.

Well, aside from myself, of course.

The weather was gorgeous, the barbecue and chili were fantastic, and the beer flowed like water.

I’m not kidding there. No sooner than TOTWTYTR and I could deplete our supply of adult beverages, a jolly little elf would magically appear and leave a couple more cases of Rahr Brewery’s finest in my redneck beer cooler.

We had the privilege of being the first humans to consume Rahr’s new Blind Salamander Pale Ale (JB, eat your heart out), and TOTWTYTR pronounced it quite tasty. He tried to explain its unique flavor, but I’m afraid the lesson was wasted on myself and Mr. Fixit, who both seem to share the same basic requirements for beer: cold, wet, and paid for by someone else.

In between CEU sessions, we gorged ourselves on barbecue and free beer (and sometimes did all three at once), and swapped many an entertaining war story. As Mr. Fixit put it, you know that any EMS war story that begins with, “So we pick up one of the local transvestites…” has got to be good.

Saturday afternoon after our comedy routine, I had a chance to break bread with LawDog and Phlegm Fatale, and join Phlegmmy on her search for the truth behind the legend of the Waxahachie courthouse.

Or, as I like to call it, the search for the pudenda ’round the rotunda.

I am pleased to report that LawDog and I found the carving in question in roughly 30 seconds, flat.

Of course, the lights were on and there were no covers over my head, either. That always helps.

The vendors were particularly generous with the free schwag, and even I – unlucky sad sack that I am – was able to come home with a few nifty door prizes.

In fact, about the only thing missing in abundance was actual attendees. We had a decent turnout, but not quite what we expected. Part of that can be blamed on the aftereffects of Hurricane Ike, but most of it can be laid right at our own apathetic doorsteps. We had an EMT from London, England, who travels here every year just for this conference, yet the EMTs from the local service and fire department didn’t even bother to attend.

When it comes to EMS education, most of the rank-and-file EMTs I’ve met want something for nothing. They bitch about lack of quality CEUs (usually about 30 days before they’re required to renew their licenses), but they don’t want to actually, you know, pay for any of them.

You know what the registration fee was for EMStock this year?

Twenty measly bucks.

Aside from the money spent on gas, that was my total investment.

Need food? Either buy it cheap from one of the conference organizers, or just wander up to the nearest grill, introduce yourself and grab a plate. We did that all weekend.

Need beverages? Rahr Brewery had you covered, and the non-alcoholic stuff was plentiful and cheap too.

Need lodging? Either camp out like we did, or grab a cheap hotel room. The camping was free. The hotels cost about what you’d expect in a tourist mecca like Midlothian, Texas. Which is to say, dirt cheap.

Need entertainment? 281 South played a full concert, as did Steven Fromholtz, poet laureate of Texas. A certain couple of smartassed EMS bloggers even told stories about killer ostriches, Sumdood and his cousin Sumdoap, and the Modified Scrotal Lead.

Need fellowship? Folks, that’s the most fun about EMS conferences. Aside from the educational opportunities, you get to meet the coolest people, and discover that no matter where you work, patients are the same everywhere you go, and so are the EMTs. And yeah, Sumdood has been on a rampage in their town, too.

Y’all need to make plans to attend EMStock 2009, no matter where you live. And by the way, if you’re wondering what LawDog looks like…he’s the one on the far left.