Once Upon A Time…

…there was a little Mormon boy who was curious about the opposite sex…

Well, I can tell you what happens when you finger a mob boss.

Said mob boss puts a contract on your head, and you wind up in the federal witness protection program, with a new name and identity, probably bagging groceries at the Piggly Wiggly in downtown Toad Suck, Arkansas.

And every waking moment of every day for the rest of your life, you’ll look over your shoulder in fear every time you hear something that sounds like your old name, you’ll hit the ground every time a car backfires, and you’ll break into a cold sweat every time you start your own car.

Which, come to think of it, is pretty much what you can look forward to if the daddy of the girl in question ever finds out.