You Know He’s a Frequent Flier When…

… the call comes in, you know who it is before you even get there.

If the complaint is “rectal pain and bleeding,” the call comes in after midnight, and the location is a random street corner, the patient is going to be Hasbro.*

With Hasbro, it’s always rectal pain and bleeding, it’s always a 10/10, and he was always operated on just. last. week.

Rookie Partner thinks I’m clairvoyant, and I didn’t even have to recite Hasbro’s medical history, address and baseline vital signs, all of which I know by heart.

* So named because if he actually had as many rectal fistula repairs as he claims, his anus ought to resemble a Play Doh Fun Factory set on “spaghetti.”