Complaint of the Night

Fecal impaction.

Direct quote from the family member who called: “You won’t need your stretcher, just a pair of gloves and some KY.”

Uuuuhhh… no.

I don’t know what is more distressing; the fact that they called 911 because Grandpa has a big growler prairie-dogging his rectal sphincter, or that apparently, one of my colleagues cleared the impaction on scene last time, without transporting.

I think if Rule 1 of EMS is, “Thou shalt handle no one’s junk but your own,” then 1a ought to be, “The only cavity thou shalt insert one’s fingers into is the oral cavity.”