Humor

The dispatch priority is directly proportional to the time spent in the transferring hospital with the patient. Low priority responses will be transported immediately. High priority responses Corollary 1: If a member of the transport team sticks their head into the cab and asks you to turn on the lights and siren en route to the transferring hospital, that team ...

Breda’s been bit by the Mondays, misplacing a very important piece of hardware. Luckily, I found it: Took me forever to wrest it away from the old guy down the street. He kept yelling, “But it’s a major award! A major award!”

I’ve long said that the MPDS dispatch card for “fall” should only require an ALS response if the dispatch information includes the phrase, “off a building.” Tonight, I was dispatched to a “long fall,” a code of which I’ve never heard before tonight. So I asked dispatch, “Can you define what a ‘long fall’ is?” Their reply was, “Between 9 ...

… but I think Miss June has Emerson Biggens sign. From Geekosystem’s X-Ray pinup calendar.

Saw a familiar face at a scene just now, a cop I had worked with back in the old home town. We got to reminiscing, and he mentioned that he was headed home this weekend to visit his kin in Bienville Parish. This brought to mind an episode back in ancient times when I was still a student Ambulance Driver, ...

ER Doc: “Whatcha got, AD?” Ambulance Driver: “Chemically enhanced 54-year-old male, got in a disagreement during a jam session, and one of his bestest buddies whomped him upside the head with some musical instrument. He’s got a head lac, and a globe injury to his right eye. Looks pretty bad.” ER Doc  (amused): “One of his bandmates belted him with ...

Nurse (to the room in general): “Hey, anyone seen Room Seven?” Room in general: ” … ” Nurse (louder this time): “Hey, has anyone seen my patient from Room Seven?” Ambulance Driver: “Hot chick, maybe 25, nice tan, big boobs, wearing a johnny?” Nurse: “Yeah, that’s her. Wait a minute, how did you see her boobs?” AD: “Because she’s outside ...

… is a fayul-yuh tew com-yoon-ee-cate. Barriers to communication are not uncommon in EMS. Whether it be disparities in education, or difference in culture, or good old-fashioned language barriers, quite often the caregiver and the patient are speaking two different languages, literally and figuratively. Over the years, I’ve learned how to overcome most obstacles to communicate. My mother-in-law was an ...

He forgot to remind us that George Bush hates black people.

Overheard over the radio: Dispatch Drone: “Medic XXX, we need you to respond to #1 Kiloton Way on a lift assist. We’ve got Medic YYY en route to back you up. Reluctant Medic: “10-4, do you need us to go lights and sirens?” Dispatch Drone: “Negative, Medic XXX. It’s just a lift assist on a bariatric patient who needs help ...

From ROFLrazzi.com, via The Omnibus Driver.

Of course, The Borg frowns on us referring to such people as "frequent fliers." Rather, they're "valued repeat customers," which everyone knows are the foundation to a successful business.

“Incident assigned.” Rookie Partner glances at the mobile data terminal, whoops happily, and puts the truck in gear. “What is it?” I yawn. “Stabbing/gunshot wound,” RP grins. “Finally, something good!” Before I can answer, the radio crackles, “Headquarters to CCT 4.” Sighing, I key the mike. “CCT 4, gourd head.” “CCT 4, the scene is safe. The patient accidentally stabbed ...

Rookie Partner: “I’ve got enough homemade chili for both of us, but I’m afraid to give you any. I have to share a truck cab with you all night.” Ambulance Driver: “It’s either share your chili, or I’m eating gas station burritos tonight.” Rookie Partner: “Soooo… you want saltines with your chili, or tortilla chips?”