I Feel So Relieved

For the past eight years, I have held a terrible secret, one that has caused me no small amount of sleepless nights. On at least two occasions during that time, I’ve had the opportunity to level with the authorities, and neither time did I avail myself of the opportunity to cleanse my soul of its terrible burden.

But now, as of this morning, I no longer feel like a hunted man. It feels as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. The monkey is off my back.

That is, if the monkey weighed fifty-five pounds.

You see, as of this morning, for the first time in eight years my actual weight has matched the number printed on my driver’s license.

Just makes me want to prance naked through the DMV calling neener neener neener…

In other news, it looks as if I may soon be leaving my comfy, well-lit ER here at PGHNSTRACH and going back to work on the bolance. If that happens, I’ll post a couple of before and after weight-loss pics. I’ll wait until the day before I start work at the Big Green Army, so at least my beloved goatee will be memorialized before the powers-that-be force me to shave it back to a simple porn star moustache.

*Sob*