The "They Think We're Stupid" Files

… I give you this snippet from a comment thread on Kevin, MD. Molly RN: The weapon of the day when the 2'nd ammendment was written was the single shot musket. I believe in the right to bear a single shot musket and that is the only weapon allowed under the 2'nd ammendment, if you want to be a strict ...

Verbatim conversation at the homeless shelter this morning: AD: "Hello, Sir. What seems to be the problem this morning?" Sullen, Uncooperative Patient: "I gotta get outta this place, man." AD: "Okay. Any particular reason?" SUP: "I catch seizures." AD: "Okay, and you caught one this morning?" SUP: " … " AD: "Sir?" SUP: "I done told you I catch seizures, ...

… you are all a bunch of booger-eating, mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging cretins with a collective double-digit IQ. I don’t care what your drafted-by-an-illiterate-idiot regulations say, a rifle scope is not a firearm part. It is an optical instrument, functionally no different than a camera or a telephoto lens. What the hell am I going to do with the thing that could ...

An excellent explanation as to why bad ideas and outdated concepts persist in EMS organizational culture.

First two 911 calls of the night: 1. Caterpillar sting.After I informed the patient that the Emergency Department was all out of caterpillar antivenin, he decided that the measures he had taken thus far (wash with warm soapy water, apply Scotch tape, apply ice pack) would probably keep the Grim Reaper at bay a little longer. And it’s a good ...

… but some people are just begging for ridicule. In this post, someone calling him/herself "EMS Worker" left this little gem of a comment: "We r not ambulance drivers!!!! I hate it when nurse say "I the ambulance drivers r here" like we r a taxi…we r ems workers with a lot if training and deserve more respect than that." ...

Why is it that, when you’re desperately searching for the address of the dying man at oh-dark-thirty on a desolate country road in the middle of nowhere, not a single family member can be spared to flag you down… … yet when you’re approaching the assault scene surrounded by enough lit-up police cars to be visible from outer space, there’s ...

I find it fascinating to chat with EMS colleagues around the globe. It’s an eye-opening experience, seeing how other countries approach the provision of Emergency Medical Services; who does it better, who does it worse, who has practices we’d do well to emulate, who could learn a few lessons from the American model. One of the neatest things is discovering ...

If you are 25 years old, with no appreciable health history… … and you’ve been sleeping in an awkward position for several hours… … and the limb you’ve been sleeping on is numb and tingling when you finally awake… … you are not having a stroke. You most certainly are an idiot, and quite possibly a candidate for forced sterilization ...

EMS World Magazine links to a hit piece investigative report from those hacks responsible journalists at ABC11 in Raleigh-Durham, NC, on the number of thugs, wife-beaters, drug-addicts, drunk drivers and other petty criminals working on ambulances in North Carolina. And what did they find?   But an I-Team review of disciplinary records for paramedics and EMTs across North Carolina for ...

It’s a sad state of affairs when the elderly person with altered mental status is more alert and oriented than all the people that called 911 for her, combined. And no, Mrs. Granddaughter, I’m not going to take Granny to the hospital against her will, just because you say she ain’t ackin’ right. Right now, she’s the only one in ...

Protip: If you have imbibed a bit too much of the spirits, and you pass out naked in bed, whereupon you suddenly realize you are about to lose control of your bowels and bladder like a veritable Vesuvius of feces… … then the place to run is the bathroom. The. Bathroom. Whatever happens, do not – I beg of you, ...

From Matt G.'s comment thread: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "HIPAA." "HIPAA who?" "Sorry, I can't tell you that." I don't care who ya are, that's funny right there…  

You are not injured, and no amount of piteous screaming, moaning, sobbing and wild gesticulations you engage in, even delivered at ear-splitting volume, is going to convince anyone. In fact, the evident ease at which you moved your injured shoulder during your performance, will be thoroughly documented by me in dry, objective clinical prose, in addition to the total absence ...

Fred Sanford Syndrome: clinical disorder characterized by the life-threatening complaints in the absence of any objective clinical findings. Sufferers of Fred Sanford    Syndrome (FSS) usually present with chest pain, often accompanied by a constellation of associated symptoms including respiratory distress, dizziness, anxiety, syncope, flatulence, incontinence, amnesia, seizures, speaking in tongues, headaches, blurred vision, loss of vision, aphasia, dysphasia, paranoia, combativeness, ...